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THESE ARE AN ASSORTMENT OF APPARENT golf truths from one of those emails that makes the rounds. Can you relate to any of them in particular? Which do you consider to be laws of the golf universe?
1. Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
2. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
3. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls.
4. If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
5. The less skilled the player, the more likely he or she is to share his or her ideas about the golf swing.
6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
7. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
8. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
9. It is surprisingly easy to hole a 30-foot putt. For a 10.
10. Counting on your opponents to inform you when they break a rule is like expecting them to make fun of their own haircut.
11. It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
12. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
13. You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time.
14. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
15. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
16. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he or she must subsequently make two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
17. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
18. Hazards attract; fairways repel.
19. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
20. If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
21. It’s easier to get up at 6 a.m. to play golf than at 10 a.m. to mow the grass.
22. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
23. If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.
24. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he or she shot a six or a seven, he or she probably shot an eight (or worse).